You may not be ready for bikini season, but make no mistake: It’s just around the corner! Kick off your trim-down by doing what your coworker Sarah said she did to get ready for her sister’s wedding and avoid bread for a few weeks. But wait, what about wraps? Do flatbreads count? What if it’s toast? That’s fine, right? Replace that tummy-expanding loaf with these alternatives that are obviously still just bread:
Stuff it with some hummus and crisp veggies, stuff it with an egg to make a breakfast pita, or even turn it into chips! Pitas are versatile and delicious and secretly bread, which make them great for a snack or meal while you’re on a diet. Don’t you worry about feeling deprived, though. They call it “pita,” but you can feel the word “bread” trying to sneak onto the end there. Because, lucky you, pita bread is exactly the same as bread-bread! You will lose zero pounds on this diet.
Thin, light, and tasty, these soft treats can help you shovel nearly any kind of food into your mouth! Don’t fret about the lack of thickness when you stomach’s ready for a full meal. Your favorite item to swaddle a mound of meat, beans, cheese, and a vegetable in is actually secretly called a “flour” tortilla. That’s right, it’s just a bunch of flour, salt, water, and fat. You know, like bread minus the yeast. Because yeast is the thing that’s making you fat.
It keeps getting harder and harder to fool yourself, but thank goodness you don’t even know what “naan” means. Because if you don’t speak the language, it doesn’t have any calories, right? Go ahead and wrap up your chicken tikka masala and just don’t think of it as the sandwich that it is.
You know crepes are just tortillas that got lost in France for too long. Ignore that knowledge and eat a crepe.
Oh flatbread, you’re not even trying to hide the word “bread,” are you? “Flat” is not a synonym for “less,” but we don’t blame you for making that connection. Have a flatbread for lunch while judging all the fatties eating sandwiches.
Pizza? Seriously? Pizza? You’re kidding, right? Pizza is not an alternative to anything. Pizza is just a decorated loaf of bread! You should eat some; it’s delicious!
Bread is a tough item to eliminate from your diet, but if you don’t pay any attention enough, you can eliminate it completely from your food journal. Happy dieting!