‘There’s No Need For Feminism Because Women Are Equal Now,’ Says Jenna, the Ignorant Talking Otter

Bioengineering miracle and celebrity talking otter, Jenna, has come out with yet another controversial statement regarding U.S. social policy, stating that there is “…no longer a need for feminism, because women are 100% equal now.”

 

The comment has provoked outrage from women’s organizations all over the country.

 

“Just because she’s a famous talking otter doesn’t mean she’s not affected by the patriarchy,” said feminist thinker bell hooks, in a statement. “Make no mistake: This is a dangerous line of thought that serves to keep other women down, especially non-famous human women who don’t have the benefit of being a famous talking otter at the local zoo.”

 

Jenna explained that she “just doesn’t feel like anyone is holding [her] down,” except for the zoologists who draw her blood once a month to check her vitals. “I love men. Why would I hate men? Men are the ones who give me clams. Feminists need to put down the burning bras and learn how to cook again! I’m an otter.”

 

“Strong words from someone who should never have been able to speak words,” tweeted Roxane Gay. “@JennaTalkingOtter is nothing more than the flavor of the week. Let’s not take her opinions on feminism as gospel truth.”

 

Claudia Schwartz, one of the geneticists who helped create Jenna, has responded to the controversy in a recent press conference, saying, “Make no mistake—Jenna is a marvel of modern science and her very existence marks a huge milestone for humankind as a whole. But she definitely says a lot of dumb shit.”

 

Fellow scientist Maria Jimenez adds, “It’s gotten to the point where none of us even want her to talk anymore. It doesn’t matter how many facts you throw at Jenna—she just won’t change her stupid mind.”

 

 

A lab technician who wishes to remain anonymous was quoted as saying, “It’s like Jenna only acknowledges the facts that support her opinions, not the other way around. Like when she insisted global warming wasn’t a real thing because of one scientist she saw on the 700 Club one time.”

 

She adds, “We all wish we’d picked a different, more progressive otter to endow with speech.”

 

Other scientists on the team say they feel Jenna the talking otter is entitled to her opinions, but that they, “just wish she didn’t say every single fucking thing that goes through her dumb otter head,” and that, “It’s like she has no filter. There are some things you just don’t need to say.”

 

Conservative groups have come out in defense of the otter’s statements. Timothy Albright of CoreAmerica notes, “It’s refreshing to hear someone speak their mind in what has become an overly-PC and ‘trigger warning’-obsessed culture, even if it’s just a cute talking otter who doesn’t have any formal education or the capability of sophisticated human thought. Jenna is saying what so many of us are thinking.”

 

Jenna, initially known for being the world’s first talking non-human mammal, has received much attention in recent months for her bold, often ill-informed political statements. She was in the news earlier this year for her comment that, “we basically live in a post-racial society so everyone should stop complaining,” and that, “if poor people weren’t so lazy, they wouldn’t be so poor.”

 

Jenna is on view until October 2015, when she’s scheduled to deliver a litter of pups “like all women should”—her words, not ours.

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