Scientific Ways to Deduce How Tall He Is From a Single Bumble Photo

Online dating is full of mysteries, but one surprise you don’t want to have upon meeting someone is discovering that standing next to them makes you look like an overgrown monster in heels. Not to worry! Here are some easy questions to determine how tall he is based on his very vague and unhelpful Bumble profile.

 

Is he standing next to other people?

Height shouldn’t matter, but decades of movies have taught you that it’s not love unless you have to crane your neck upward in order to to kiss him. You want to date someone that’s taller than you so that’s possible! Check his online profile for signs of his height, like if he’s standing next to someone in a picture. If it’s a woman and he’s taller than her, that’s a good sign. If it’s a man and he’s taller than him, even better. If he’s standing next to an elephant and he’s taller than it, marry him. Height is the only thing that matters – don’t even worry about who he is as a person! That doesn’t show up in profile pictures.

 

 

Is he near a door?

If no one is near him in the picture, his proportions can be deceptive. You don’t want to be tricked into dating someone that you’ll squish like a bug if you sit on them! Check and see if he’s standing near a door. Doorknobs can vary but are often around the same average height. Check and see where the doorknob falls in comparison to his body. If it’s below his hip, great! If he’s jumping to reach it, that’s probably a child. Congrats, your unsubtle size prejudice has kept you from making a GRAVE mistake!

 

How far is his elbow from his shoulder?

So he’s not standing near a person or a door and it’s also not a full body pic. How can you know whether to fuck him?? Check out his shoulder-to-elbow distance. A noticeably squat upper arm indicates that he is probably a wonderful guy, but maybe for someone shorter than you. You are too tall in this society to be playing around with appearing even taller than you already are!

 

What does his bio say?

Oh yeah, it might straight up say his height in his bio. There’s a 99% chance that’s exaggerated, though. He’s onto your game.

 

So remember: Height doesn’t have to be a dealbreaker. But like, if it is, this is how you can avoid a problem. Now get out there and enjoy being yelled at for discriminating against men who are discriminatory about every part of your body all the time!

COMMENTS

view all comments hide comments

Leave a Reply