The Five Best Etsy Dresses That Someone Totally Died In

Every girl goes WILD for vintage fashion! But because it’s so popular, getting your hands on fabulous pre-owned getups can be darn near impossible. That’s why we LOVE tracking down gorgeous clothes of the recently deceased! Need help navigating the dead dowager trend? No reason to traipse around estate sales for vintage finds of the dearly departed – Etsy has you covered with spookily affordable frocks that’ll have all the boys saying “she looks so peaceful.”


#1 – “1960’s Gorgeous Wool Dress Coat Red Wool Vintage Mad Men Cute” – $185

red coat

We love the shape of this dead lady dress coat! The mid-wrist sleeves will have you looking daintier than a dusty old Lladro figurine. Nothing says “Why is my girlfriend wearing old shit all of a sudden?” like a good vintage frock. Some holes on left sleeve (presumably from a grieving cat, in the hours after her passing). Perfect for watching Jeopardy on a winter night when your social security checks no longer cover the oil bill!


#2 – “Real Vintage Flapper Dress 1920’s Cute Flapper Adorable Great Dress” – $220

flapper dress
This is an amazing piece – a REAL flapper dress from a REAL dead lady! Dresses in such good condition are hard to find – harder than finding a nurse’s aide you approve of! The rich material cascades over your curves like the water cascaded through the ceiling of this woman’s downstairs neighbors, alerting them that something was wrong. Pair it with a red lip, kitten heels, and a snide comment about President Hoover. Historically chic!

#3 – “Retro Cute 70’s Vintage Floral Print Gray Dress Size 6 Cute Dress” – $55

What woman wouldn’t jump at this modest little dead lady dress? Everyone loves muted gray! Especially people hurtling toward the great, bright light in the sky. What a beautiful light. Wait a minute – Gerald…? Gerald, is that you? But you look so young! So young and happy. I’m coming, Gerald! (Sauce stain on back.)



#4 – “Real Vintage Fraternity Jacket Long Cute Vintage 1950’s Columbia University Real Cute” – $125

Guys can get in on the dead person trend, too! This soup-stained, moth-eaten, definitely-died-in fraternity jacket is PERFECT for fall. Slip into it, notice the smell of decades-old pipe tobacco, and flip through an old yearbook! Maybe it’s time to get the old gang back together? In heaven!


#5 – “Real Vintage 1940’s Spooky Ghost Nightgown Cute Vintage Spooky So Cute Authentic Real” – $400

Finally – lingerie that’s sexy, classy, AND from a dead lady! Between the silk slip, chiffon peignoir, and dainty blue accents, you’ll feel enveloped in a soft warm glow that only comes dying slowly in your sleep. Just think: soft silk on your nether regions that once covered the five-day-old remains of a dead octogenarian! This two-piece set is just right for slipping into the dreamless sleep of death. Do not go ADORABLY into that good night! (May be actually haunted.)