There’s nothing like a good feminist playlist to make you feel like the badass bitch you are. But just because you’re celebrating your womanhood doesn’t mean that you can’t do it quietly! Check out these feminist anthems to blast at a low volume once he’s fast asleep.
1. “***Flawless” – Beyoncé
Every feminist playlist needs some Queen Bey. This femme-jam rejects the constant criticisms of women’s appearances and reminds us that we are flawless just as we are. If you’re tired of being told you could lose a few pounds, throw on this body-positive serenade and shout it from the mountaintops: “I WOKE UP LIKE THIS!!” Except don’t really shout; you wouldn’t want him to wake up and see you making a real fool of yourself. Keep your unapologetic celebration of womanhood cute and not too loud—remember, he’s gotta get up early!
In perhaps the most epic “fuck off” anthem of all time, Salt-N-Pepa give the finger to everyone who tries to tell women what they should or shouldn’t do with their bodies. If you’re sick of having people give their unsolicited advice about what to wear, where to go, or how to have sex, this song will have you saying H8ERS TO THE LEFT. Sing along with these fierce babes when they say, “Hold your tongue tightly, wish you could be like me.” Or, better yet, mouth the words along with them, since the dogs are sleeping at the foot of the bed and you know how much he hates when they get riled up when he’s trying to sleep. No one would dare tell you to turn off this slammin’ track, especially if you turn it down low enough that no one can hear it!
3. “Crimson Wave” – Tacocat
Women are told that their periods are something to be ashamed of and hide. But the ladies of Tacocat have other ideas. Why be ashamed of something that’s perfectly natural? Shout your period loud and proud! But just because you’re not ashamed of your natural bodily functions doesn’t mean you have to force onto him the knowledge that your uterus has uterine tissue. Blast this one at a barely audible level as you’re restocking the cute wicker basket where you hide your tampons.
4. “Independent Women Part 1” – Destiny’s Child
Just because you’re in a committed relationship doesn’t mean you have to lose yourself! In this badass anthem of independence, Destiny’s Child reminds us that we are all our own number one priority. When they call out, “All my women who independent…” holler back with, “THROW YOUR HANDS UP AT MAYYY-AYYY!!” But don’t actually raise your arms above shoulder level because you might pull the covers off the bed, and your boyfriend is already having enough trouble sleeping with his new mouth guard. Just lay back and imagine throwing your hands up and celebrating the fact that you’re a strong independent lady. It feels almost as good, and it doesn’t shove your confidence in his slumbering face!
This awesome sex-positive anthem by New Orleans rapper Boyfriend celebrates the pleasure (tee-hee!) of self-love. This is a perfect one to listen to in bed after he passes out from another hot, spicy evening of him jackhammering your snatch for six minutes and then collapsing into a snoring heap of one-sided post-coital bliss. Your bod deserves lovin’ too, so treat yourself like the grown-ass woman you are while softly jamming to this tune on your headphones at a low volume and trying to keep your moans at whisper-level.
6. “Respect” – Aretha Franklin
Between the misogynistic microaggressions, the patronizing comments about our life choices, and the constant pressure to be perfectly groomed and pleasant at all times, sometimes it feels like we have to demand that people around us take us seriously. Aretha tells it like it is—all we’re asking is for a little RESPECT! If your hubby hasn’t been showing you the appreciation and respect you deserve, play this one softly after he falls asleep to get the point across, or at least hope that maybe this no-nonsense feminist message will sink into his subconscious mind as he snoozes.
“Bad Reputation” – Joan Jett and the Blackhearts
This raging rock anthem doesn’t beat around the bush—we don’t care what people think of us! This song celebrates the “fuck it” attitude that embodies the feminist revolution. We are women, hear us roar! But be sure to unplug your iPod from the main speakers so he doesn’t hear you roar because he’s kind of a light sleeper.
There’s nothing like a slammin’ feminist playlist to make you feel strong, empowered, and hype AF. But maybe invest in some of those high-quality headphones where the sound doesn’t leak out easily so your girl power rock-a-thon doesn’t become too overbearing.