I’m just like any other girl. Well… mostly. From the outside, nothing could be more normal: I have a good job, loyal friends, and an on again, off again boyfriend named DJ. But there’s one thing about me you’d never guess from looking at me; a deep, dark secret that’s very personal and unique to just me: I loooooooooove my bed. Not like, not love, but looooooove it! Like, I looooooove my bed!
Don’t laugh! This not a joke; this is not a test. I know it’s not “cute”, I know it’s not something that a normal, productive person is supposed to love, but this is who I am. I’m seriously koo-koo about my comforter. I’m loco for my linens. Mad for my mattress. Pratty for my pillies. It’s actually kind of a problem. Like, if you don’t get me just after I come home, sorry! I’m in bed for the rest of the night, and probably most of the next day! ‘Cause I looooooove my bed!
Let me start by saying that I understand how most people see and think about beds. To you, a bed is a place to sleep. It’s the last place you go at the end of the day and the first place you come from in the morning. But for me, my bed is so much more. It is my sanctuary, my dining hall, my phone booth, my movie theatre, my church, my temple, and my truth. And my bed—which I looooooooooove!
My favorite is sleeping in on a weekend. Ooooooh, it’s so niiiiiiiiiice. I wake up and I’m still kind of drowsy and lazy. It’s crazy because it’s not like I don’t have stuff to do. Even though I’m only working part time right now, I’m actually super busy all the time,. But I won’t do that work. I just won’t do it. I stay in bed. So bad, I know!! Like, let’s say I’m supposed to get up at nine: I’ll just roll around in bed till 11, sometimes even noon! That’s way past nine! Seriously, it’s not even morning anymore and I’m still curled up in my bed and loooooooving every minute!
I’ve tried to get help for my problem. I’ll set alarms, sometimes I’ll even set two or three alarms because there’s just no way I’m getting out of bed after the first one. Sometimes I put a snake in my bed to scare me right outta there. But no matter what, it’s the struggle of my life to actually drag myself out and get dressed. If I lie down for even a second while getting ready, it’s goodnight Irene! Looks like I’m missing work that day. I can’t even help it! I looooooove my bed!
Here’s where it gets weird: I love my bed so much; if I don’t have plans for the night, I’ll just crawl right in at ten and just watch Orange is the New Black and drink Diet Dr. Pepper until midnight, sometimes even 1 AM. I’m not even sleeping. Let me repeat that: I’m in my bed, but not to sleep, just to be in my bed! I’m sick! I’m sick and I looooooove it!
I know the world might not be ready for my lifestyle choices, but the strong women of Orange is the New Black have inspired me to live in my truest self. I won’t apologize to anybody who’s just not ready to accept that it is my right and privilege to love my bed like most people love their children. If you need me, I’ll be in my jammies under my duvet, being my coziest me, looooooooving my bed.