RECENT POSTS

Thoughts

Let’s Agree To Disagree, Then Ultimately Learn Nothing From Each Other

Love and Sex

Fool-Proof Ways to Trick a Man Into Loving You Until He’s Dead

He’ll love you until his dying day when he says, “Wait, I didn’t mean to love you, I was tricked!”

Living

How To Clean Your Phone Screen Without Smudging It or Liking John’s Picture on Instagram

Do you think he’s thinking of you?

Living

Cheap Breakfast Ideas That Require A $500 Blender

Otherwise, you can just have an apple, we guess?

Thoughts

I Support Donald Trump Because He Says What Everyone In My Militia Is Thinking

Why can’t other candidates be more supportive of my traditional American lifestyle?

News

Allison Invents New Pasta Sauce That’s Just Wine

“I had a bite and it was basically raw noodles in lukewarm wine.”

Love and Sex

5 Kick-Ass Flute Solos to Charm His Dick Like A Cobra

That schlong will be popping out before you run out of breath.

News

Drunk Tiffany Actually Better Driver Than Sober Rachel

Witnesses say they’re tempted to accept Tiffany’s offers to drive instead of Rachel.

I Lived it: Thoughts

I Got It Twisted

Uh-oh! Looks like I got it twisted again.

News

Woman Thinking About Getting Tattoo for The Past Ten Years

It’s been a decade-long ordeal.

Living

This Asshole Doctor Says Exercise Will Help Treat Depression

“A modest exercise program is an effective treatment for depression,” says this asshole.

Entertainment

Which of the Original Cast of Power Rangers Would You Fuck? Is It Zack?

It’s Zack, right?

News

Woman Interrupted 25 Times When Sharing Thoughts on Presidential Debate

“Adam or Mike would just interject with things like, ‘WRONG.’”

Thoughts

How Long Can Cookie Dough Sit Out Before I Eat It Regardless Of Your Advice?

Sorry, can’t hear you; too busy already eating the cookie dough.

Love and Sex

Is He The One, Or An Old-Timey Railway Scamp Looking For A Place to Stay?

He’s just not into you for you. He’s into you for your scraps.

Living

6 Great Yoga Poses to Asphyxiate on Your Own Breasts

Oof, wow you just got hit in the face with your own titty, didn’t you?

I Lived it: Thoughts

My Mom Ate My Leftover ‘Fuck Me Pasta’ and Now She Won’t Stop Humping the Furniture

I guess it’s just a really good recipe.

News

Wow! This Woman Said ‘No Worries!’ So Many Times She Blacked Out

De Bruijn has been a truly an inspiring force of reassurance to those who might be worried.

Style

Five Scents That Still Won’t Cover Up Your BO, Sorry

Sorry; these scents can’t mask your dirty body stench.

Living

Antioxidant-Rich Foods to Consume Until You are More Antioxidant than Woman

At last, you are more antioxidant than woman.

Thoughts

I’m Not Like Most Girls. I’m On the Supreme Court.

I don’t like talking about boys unless they’re violating someone’s civil rights!

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