Allison Invents New Pasta Sauce That’s Just Wine

Providence native Allison Markowitz has always enjoyed simple home cooking, but she has found the perfect recipe for a pasta sauce that’s made of nothing but red wine.


After returning home at 2am last night to “make a little dinner,” she dumped a box of spaghetti into a pot of water. As the pasta cooked, Allison discovered a box of Barefoot Cabernet and emptied it into a pot.


“I mean you’ve heard of pasta alla carbonara,” Allison explains. “This is just ‘pasta alla Cabernet’ and it’s pretty fucking good right now.”


Roommates were stunned as Allison bathed the noodles in the wine.


“She was in full cooking show mode,” roommate Grace Datz says. “But it’s like, we know that’s just wine.”


“She kept talking about how wine adds flavor and how the alcohol just ‘cooks off’” Grace continues, “I had a bite and it was basically raw noodles in lukewarm wine.”



Allison recommended adding half of a tub of Kraft Parmesan cheese to the dish, as well as small handful of salt.


“That helps,” Grace admits.


Other roommate Kyla Lee says Allison took the entire pot into her bedroom and cradled it against her chest while scrolling through old pictures of her ex.


“She kept saying, ‘Just wait until Zack finds out I’m a world class chef,’” Kyla says. “I didn’t have the heart to say, you’re not a chef, you just dumped a bottle of red wine into a pot.”


Witnesses aren’t sure Allison will remember her great invention, but friends across the country are embracing this simple yet delicious new recipe.

“I found her curled up on her bed, fully clothed, spooning the empty pot this morning,” Grace says. “She had updated her Facebook status to say ‘I’M A CHEF,’ though. So she’ll deal with that.”


When asked to comment, Allison said “Wait, that actually sounds kind of delicious.”