Drunk Tiffany Actually Better Driver Than Sober Rachel

Outside of a local watering hole, friends Stephanie Simons, Kayla Crocker, and Rachel Shire watched their intoxicated friend, Tiffany Weil, turn the front wheel of her Nissan Versa into the curb before fluidly pulling it out from its parallel parking spot in one fluid motion, something she could never achieve while driving sober.


Though Rachel was the designated driver for the evening, the friends still opted for Tiffany to pull the car out from the spot.


“We love Rachel,” Kayla slurs. “But she can’t drive for shit. Even when Tiffany is blackout drunk, she’s a safer choice behind the wheel.”


Other witnesses say they’re tempted to accept Tiffany’s offers to drive instead of Rachel.


“I wouldn’t normally allow someone as drunk as Tiffany to drive under any circumstances, but she actually taught me to parallel park only using my mirrors when she was fully wasted,” says their bartender. “Rachel once drove through her garage door at 11am because she ‘forgot’, so this is what we’re dealing with.”



Earlier this evening, Tiffany did five picklebacks, drank a 40 oz. can of Bud Lite, and then split a bottle of wine with Kayla. Yet everyone agrees, Tiffany is still a better candidate to drive than Rachel.


As part of their agreement, Tiffany hands the keys to Rachel to drive the rest of the way home, despite the obvious nerves from the rest of the girls.


“You really gotta focus more,” slurs Tiffany to Rachel. “This shit is dangerous.”