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REPORT: Your Anxiety Is Right and You Will Die When You Walk Into That Party

Woman Treats Herself to Underwear That Isn’t Disintegrating at the Seams

World’s Dentists Announce Flossing Was Literally Just a Bit

How to Buy New Groceries Without Revealing to Your Roommate That You’ve Sampled Hers

Wow! This Woman’s Cramps Got So Bad Her Boyfriend Said ‘Aw, That Sucks’

REPORT: Everyone Is Gwyneth Paltrow Until Proven Donald Trump

QUIZ: Which Member of Boygenius Are You Going to Invoice for What They’ve Done to You?

‘Tattoos Are Permanent!’ Says Mom With Children

‘I Only Smoke When I’m Drunk,’ Says Woman Who Is Always Drunk

Score! Fast Fashion Found at Thrift Store so It Doesn’t Count

Chobani Releases New Yogurt Without Layer of Cum on Top

What the Fuck? This Woman Is Letting the Soft Animal of Her Body Love What It Loves

Twin Flames? Both the People in This Couple Are Clinically Insane

Workplace Excited to Add More Diversity as Long as It Doesn’t Change Anything

Nice! This Woman’s Schedule Just Opened up Because She Forgot What She Needed to Do Today

QUIZ: Is He Quiet and Mysterious or Just Obeying the Laws of the Library?

Ageism? Adult Woman Too Big for the Ball Pit

‘That’s Jazz, Baby!’ Says Woman Trying to Justify Her Haphazard Approach to Punctuation

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