World’s Dentists Announce Flossing Was Literally Just a Bit

In a shocking announcement that also makes a lot of sense if you think about it for 10 seconds, the world’s dentists have finally revealed that flossing was just a silly little gag.

 

Dr. Miranda Ruiz, recently named representative of all the world’s dentists, called a press meeting this morning, citing a “major announcement that is about to literally blow your freakin’ minds.”

 

Reporters arrived at the scene to see Ruiz and dozens of other dentists huddled, whispering, “OMG, should we tell them?” All the dentists then giggled, covered their mouths, and nodded. Dr. Ruiz turned back to the reporters and said, “It was literally just a bit. Flossing was a bit and you guys fell for it. I can’t believe it.”

 

The dentists then burst into laughter and pointed at the reporters, saying, “You guys should see your faces right now. You should really see your faces.”

 

Reporters confirmed this “bit” started on April Fools’ Day, 1916, when Dr. Peter Winsel, the first dentist to ever recommend flossing, decided to play a prank on his patient, shell-shocked World War I veteran Don Hyman.

 

“I told Don that if he wanted to keep his remaining teeth, he’d have to stick this piece of twine-like floss between them every morning and night. It was hilarious! But I think he was so traumatized by the war and such that he didn’t even question it, which is when I realized…wait, this bit really has legs.”

 

It has since become tradition to reveal this secret to dentists during their Dentistry School graduation. The public might have overheard that it was all a hoax a bit sooner, but literally no one else goes to those.

 

Sources confirmed every time a dentist tells you to floss, the second you leave the room, they laugh and laugh.

 

Reporters desperately called every dentistry practice in the tri-state area to back up this story. Dr. Neeman of Smile Dentistry summed up the general sentiment with, “Oh my god, you guys believed us? That is literally so funny. Is it good for your teeth? Who the hell knows! We’ve literally never looked into it; we’ve been too busy laughing at how dumb you all are!”

 

 

The news took the public by storm, but one demographic was unsurprised: our nation’s toddlers.

 

Upon being told that flossing was literally just a bit, three-year-old Gracie Meadows said, “Yeah of cowse. Dat sounded sow stupid.”

 

At press time, Dr. Ruiz made a point of telling the public, “You do need to brush your teeth though. That’s 100% real. Don’t be gross.”