Spotify Algorithm Totally Nails Lauren’s Shitty-as-Fuck Musical Aesthetic

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Spotify has a knack for knowing exactly what we want to listen to next, and that’s exactly what happened to local woman Lauren Brindle. After listening to a would-be lethal cocktail of Michael Bublé, acoustic guitar covers of ‘90s hip-hop, and seven hours of Owl City’s “Fireflies,” Spotify knew exactly what the 28-year-old wanted to listen to: more fucking terrible music. Incredible!

 

Until recently, Lauren’s main source of music was YouTube videos of college a cappella groups singing One Republic songs. But once she experienced the Spotify “Discover Weekly” feature—where Spotify generates a personalized playlist based on what each user listens to—Lauren was totally hooked.

 

“It’s like it knew exactly what kind of playlist I would’ve made for myself!” she gushed about her fucking embarrassing taste in music.

 

Lauren’s first three Discover Weekly playlists were just the theme song from The L Word 30 times in a row. Lauren has never watched The L Word. This is simply the music she chooses to enjoy.

 

While Lauren’s friends and family—who have taste and discretion—often send her new music recommendations, one friend from college sends Lauren new music with notes reading, “So we don’t have to listen Pentatonix covers of Jason Derulo at our girls nights anymore, haha!”

 

The same goes for Lauren’s boyfriend, Jake, who gifted her a Drake album for Christmas. The accompanying card simply read, “Please, Lauren, I cannot fuck to the original Broadway cast recording of Cats anymore.”

 

But Lauren won’t budge; she likes what she likes, and Spotify understands that.

 

 

Completely smitten with this music prediction algorithm, Lauren feels the streaming service “gets” her more than her loved ones do.

 

“Sure, it gives me the classic jams I know and love, like the entire LMFAO catalogue. But Spotify has opened my eyes to whole new artists like Limp Bizkit and Rebecca Black. The way they approach music is making me learn so much about myself.”

 

There seems to be no connection between the utter atrocities Lauren listens to; yet, week by week, Spotify consistently wrangles a new, nightmarish cacophony that absolutely nails Lauren’s musical sensibilities. The ways in which modern technology continues to enrich our everyday lives keep on growing—Thanks, Spotify!

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