In a shocking move, your mom announced Friday that Patrick Dempsey has unseated Cary Grant for the top spot on her fuck list. The news, which came after two glasses of Pinot Grigio, was met with understandable surprise.
“For mom, it’s always been Cary,” you explained. “He’s been dead almost my entire life and he’s still always been her number one dream fuck. To see him unseated at this point is putting me in a state of shock, to be honest.”
When questioned as to her reasoning behind the unscheduled amendment, your mom maintained her undying love for the classically handsome Cary Grant, but cited Dempsey’s recent performance in Bridget Jones’ Baby for the slight edge in fuckability. “I also heard Cary Grant might have preferred men. I don’t know if that matters, but everything is data in evaluating how good of a fuck he would be.”
The addition of Dempsey to the list not only unseats Grant from the top spot, but downshifts George Clooney, Hugh Grant and “that Bardem fellow, you know the Latin guy from Eat Pray Love? Oh, he is something else!” But the biggest loss goes to Young Paul Newman, who found himself off the list for the first time in forty years.
“Don’t get me wrong – I still love his lemonade!” explained your mom. “But he’s no longer a top fuck, for obvious reasons.”
When reached for comment, a spokesperson for Patrick Dempsey insisted it was an honor to make your mom’s list.
“Mr. Dempsey is on most moms’ fuck lists, but to be number one is truly special.”
Unfortunately, the deceased Cary Grant was not available for comment.