Why I Wear A Mask To Protect Ms. Frizzle’s Class Inside My Esophagus

Wearing a mask is one of the most important ways you can protect yourself against contracting COVID-19. But masks also help to protect the people in front of you, behind you and most of all, inside of you. While I wear a mask for a lot of reasons, I primarily wear it to protect the busload of Ms. Frizzle’s students who are currently on an adventure inside my esophagus right now.


Like a lot of travelers, Ms. Frizzle’s class arbitrarily entered my body in mid-March, having no idea what was about to happen. Since then, it’s been unsafe to travel and I let them know that it was fine to ride this whole thing out inside my esophagus. And while I’m sure they’re having a great time in there learning about the respiratory system, I make sure to keep them out of danger by wearing a mask – you never know what kind of viral material can get down there!


While I am young and healthy and likely to recover if I ever catch COVID-19, I know that there is a literal bus full of very nerdy children and one middle-aged woman inside of me that I have to protect. When I put on a mask, I know that I am letting them learn in a safe environment without the worry of this pandemic going on out here.


Although I wish they could wrap things up sooner or later, because they told me this would just take an hour and it has now been several months. I really support their mission but like, really? You couldn’t have shape-shifted into a bubble and figured it out?


Anyway, the health and safety of this giant bus of children giving me a scratchy throat right now is my first priority.



So if you are wondering whether you should put on a mask when you go out in public, and you hate that they’re uncomfortable or make breathing difficult, just remember: If I can do it with a busload of fucking children stuck in my throat, you can wear a fucking mask.