NASA Confirms 2018 Was This Woman’s Hottest Year On Record

The results are in: NASA scientists announced Wednesday that, in 2018, Edith Céron’s average hotness was the highest in all of her 28 years on record.

 

This announcement comes after years of collecting data and finding a continuing and undeniable trend of glowing up.

 

The data indicates that her five hottest years in history have been the last five. Her relatively-quickly improvement over the past few years correspond with the scientific consensus that this glow up is caused by a better work/life balance, an increase in income and clothing budget, and actually listening to beauty tips for once.

 

“We’re no longer tracking a trajectory for a possible hotness peak in the future,” said Scott Gavin, lead investigator for the NASA Group analyzing how hot Edith has become over time. “She’s here. She’s here now and like, really hot.”

 

While Earth has seen a few of her hotter days before 2018 and some very not-hot days since, what really set 2018 apart was Céron remembering to moisturize regularly.

 

The results of this rapid transformation include the record numbers of random men sliding into her DMs across all social media. Scientists have also linked Edith’s peaking hotness to more negative effects over the past year such as not being taken as seriously or someone thinking she’s kind of being a bitch whenever she seems upset.

 

Scientists say that if Edith is to avoid early hotness burnout, she must continue washing her face before bed and trying different sheet masks. It does appear likely, at least from today’s perspective, that Edith will only continue to get even hotter as she is now beginning to hydrate frequently every day and sleep ≥8 hours every night.

 

 

Dr. Gavin of NASA added that the new figures helped to confirm the scientific models that have predicted Céron’s increasing hotness over time.

 

“Some will say, ‘Wait I went to high school with that chick Edith and she wasn’t one of the hot ones–how are we supposed to trust the science on this?’ But that’s why we need more data on how hot people are. We spent years making models and predictions in hopes they’d come true. Now we’ve seen that come to pass. Edith is serving looks now, honey.”

 

The annual hotness ranking is typically announced mid-January but was postponed by the government shutdown that prevented federal scientists from finalizing their analysis.

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