During a recent breakroom conversation with a coworker, Minneapolis resident Sara Frank is said to have casually announced that her hair “just dries like this.”
Those who know Frank personally were quick to report that the 29-year-old’s hair is perfect, glossy, gently curled, and also that the bitch is lying.
“I was chatting with Sara,” said coworker Lily Walsh. “I complimented her hair because it always looks flawless, and she had the audacity to respond ‘Really? Thanks! It just dries like this.’ I mean, an egregious lie. I’m still reeling, honestly.”
Days after the incident, when Walsh spoke to the reporters, she was still fairly shaken up by Frank’s aggressive falsehood.
“Sara looks like she just got a professional blowout every time I see her,” Walsh said. “No one’s hair dries like that. Blake Lively’s hair doesn’t even dry like that and everyone knows her hair is the epitome of natural, beachy waves.”
At press time, Frank was brought in for questioning in an effort to finally uncover the truth and give the victims of her lies closure. However, she firmly maintained her insane story about naturally-dried perfect, shiny, even-textured hair.
“I don’t know what to say, this is just my hair,” lied Frank. “Oh, actually, I sort of do something to it.”
In the press room, only the sound of the clock ticking could be heard as every journalist waited with held breath to witness Frank’s confession.
“I squeeze the water out when I get out of the shower, then dry it a bit with my towel. Maybe that’s what makes it look like this?” Frank said, fibbing as naturally as she breathes air.
Despite everyone’s certainty that Frank practices an elaborate routine to achieve her gorgeous wavy-but-not-frizzy locks, there is, as of yet, no legally actionable response to be taken against her treacherous remarks.
“Sara is a liar and, honestly, a bit of a snake,” said Frank’s boss Melodie Sato. “However, I can’t technically fire her for lying about how her hair dries, so I ask that everyone in the office try to remain civil during this trying time.”
Tensions in Frank’s workplace have been rising steadily since she made her duplicitous claim, with some coworkers allegedly conspiring to set off the office’s sprinkler system to uncover Frank’s lie.
When confronted with news of this rumor, Frank laughed and remained frighteningly unphased.
“I love how this whole office can joke together,” Frank said. “Anyway, I have to go to the salon. I mean, grocery store.”
