Many people attempt to stay thin by limiting their caloric intake or working out to excess. But Paige Warren-Dyckman is a true maverick when it comes to unhealthy weight loss: This inspiring woman stays skinny by completely upending her life, every year!
“I only started using this method after my grandma died during college,” said Paige. “I realized that I lost a bunch of weight due to the grief. Now, regularly forcing myself to experience that level of devastation is how I stay in shape!”
For Paige, the type of utter destruction she intentionally unleashes into her own life can vary. And with so many successfully damaging years under her belt, she’s gotten very creative.
“A few years back, I publicly cheated on a man I would’ve married and he dumped me and kicked me out,” said Paige. “Lost a whole pant size in the months following. Last year, I adopted a really, really old and sick dog and spent a month getting attached before it inevitably died. I’ve never been so lithe!”
“I’m always trying to come up with new ways to temporarily ruin my mental and emotional health for the sake of maintaining a conventionally attractive body type,” she added.
Wow, there simply has to be a healthier way to stay in shape, you skinny legend!
“It’s becoming a lot,” said Khadijah Loufrey, Paige’s roommate. “Like, sure, she loses a few pounds everytime she fucks her own life up. But I have to pick up the pieces and make sure she doesn’t spiral.”
“Seems like it’d be easier if she just…came to the gym with me?” Khadijah added. “This just isn’t healthy.”
But Paige is gung-ho about her fitness plan.
“In theory, I could diet and exercise if I wanted to lose weight,” explained Paige. “But that’s a lot of work when I could just orchestrate a personal disaster in my life in half the time. Plus, I save on groceries!”
“I’m looking to the future at this point, what can I fuck up next?” she added. “Maybe I’ll roll around in a field until I get Lyme disease? That should work!”