I’m not usually one for adventures when it comes to sex. But a few months ago, a friend of mine mentioned that she sometimes goes to these trendy, high-end sex parties. I was newly single, and definitely curious. I figured, why not? Also, I think of left my wallet there. Did anyone turn it in? I cancelled my credit cards already but there was a fair amount of cash in there, like 40 dollars I think. If anyone hears anything, let me know. Thanks!
But first, let me back up. How did I end up at a sex party of all places, and how did I end up leaving my wallet there?
Like most crazy ideas, it started as a joke. After telling me about all these wild times she’d had at the sex parties, my friend was like, “Hey—you should come!” and then we both burst out laughing. I mean, look at me. Let’s just say I’m more “vintage Laura Ashley” than Agent Provocateur. The wallet thing started as a joke too, because I told this one guy I fucked at the party that I was going to do that thing where you swipe someone’s ass crack with a credit card, and I think I must have just put my wallet down and forgotten about it, which makes sense because that was when he started railing me from behind.
Man, sex parties are crazy! I wish I’d kept my head a little more.
Anyway, I laughed it off when my friend first invited me, but the more I thought about it, the more intrigued I was. So finally, I asked her how to apply. And actually, that’s another thing—because there was such an intense vetting process, I had my passport and my social security card on me, so I’m pretty worried about someone stealing my identity. Are you sure no one’s turned it in? I have a Virginia driver’s license, if that helps.
Once my invite was secured, the next question was: What do I wear? I’m not much for sexy lingerie, but I didn’t want to look frumpy either. Plus, I needed to make sure I had somewhere to stash my wallet. I know—ironic. But can you blame me? How was I supposed to keep track of my belongings when five beautiful women were rubbing me down with coconut oil while at least 10 more watched? That said, I do want it back. It’s real leather, just like the strappy BDSM getup I chose to don.
If I learned anything from attending my first sex party, it’s that it’s important to set boundaries for yourself. Was I down to clown with basically everyone there? Yes. Did I? Yes. Am I pretty sure I have at least 80% of all kinks? Yes. Am I attending four more sex parties this week? Yes.
But am I okay with losing my wallet? No. And that’s something I have to be honest with myself about.
All that to say, if anyone turns in my wallet, please, please let me know. I may have actually been naked for several hours at the party, but I only felt naked once I realized my wallet was missing.
And I’m pretty sure there was a mostly-full Amazon gift card in there.