The holidays are hard for everyone, but especially for those of us receiving cryptic texts from our exes. You know the one. The one that sends you into a tailspin of “WHAT DOES THIS MEAN” and “CAN WE NOT RUIN MY HOLIDAY FOR ONCE?!” It’s hard to navigate, but these great tips can keep the Ghost of Mistakes Past from ruining your present:
“I’m so glad you texted, I miss you too!!!! Kind of a lot, actually!!!! A LOT.”
If a simple “Merry Christmas” response isn’t strong enough for you, try something that’ll make him think that nothing is merry for you without him in your life. A little fear of impending clinginess will scare any guy out of your inbox for good.
Give him a taste of his own post-break-up medicine. The fun part here is that it’s the middle of the day, and he just texted you—of course he’s up! That will confuse him enough to quit bothering you, thinking it had to be meant for someone else, like that hot bartender who always sleeps till 3pm. He can go ahead and text Amy like he always used to.
“I’m pregnant! :)”
That’ll show him to send not-so-subtle booty call texts on this holiest of days! This can also really ruin a holiday for a person, especially if you offer him no additional details. It also doesn’t have to be true—he’s definitely gonna disappear.
This classic will make it immediately clear to him that not only do you not need him, you don’t even need his number in case of an emergency!
“Have you ever considered going to therapy?”
He will be panicked about what kinds of signals he’s sending out, but also terrified of getting bogged down in a conversation with you about what’s wrong with him. He’ll definitely leave you alone.
This holiday, spend less time confused about where you stand with this guy, and more time focusing on what’s important: finding which new guy to be confused about for many Christmases to come!