New Automated Text System Alerts Your Ex To Reach Out At Most Inconvenient Time Possible

In the next week, Apple will launch a new automated text system which will alert your ex to reach out to you at the most inconvenient time possible.


“Ex-Text uses an algorithm that tracks the user’s phone to determine when the user is preoccupied, sad, stressed or joyous,” says creator Alexander Rudnick. “We wanted to create an avenue for exes to reach out and ruin the day, week or even the life of someone they used to date.”


Ex-Text piloted two months ago to 200 users. Reports show that the system has destroyed the lives of 90% of the test audience.


“We’ve seen an influx in feedback on the product,” says Apple employee Desiree Hartner. “One woman received a sext from her ex while she was putting her dog down. I got a text from my own ex as I was going in to take my LSAT and was unable to finish the exam. Needless to say, this tool is very cruel yet extremely effective.”


Despite a great deal of negative feedback, Apple’s launch of Ex-Text is still in motion. While many have simply been inconvenienced by the new feature, many claim this advanced technology destroyed their lives.


“I hadn’t spoken to Jackson in over seven years, since he cheated on me. Three years later, I met Greg and we got engaged,” says 35-year-old Sabrina Sorkoski. “On me and Greg’s wedding day, I got a text from Jackson saying, ‘I miss you’. Now I live alone and ruined my one chance at a healthy relationship.”


During the middle of this interview, Ex-Text creator Rudnick received a message from his ex-wife telling him she’s pregnant with her new husband’s baby.


“Oh my god, wow,” said Rudnick. “I’m sorry to pause the interview. This text just came at a very inconvenient time.”