Alright, ladies: It’s Dude Corner here, ready to calm the choppy waters of female emotion with some man smarts and logic. Haha, whoa, I just got hard thinking about those little bikini bottoms that go halfway up a girl’s butt. Fuck yeah!
Sometimes girls get mad because they are so high maintenance and think I did something wrong but I’m here to set the record straight once and for all. I actually NEVER said I was perfect, NOT EVEN ONCE, so you can’t get mad at me for doing that thing because if you paid attention at least ONCE you would notice that I never said I was perfect, okay?
Sorry, I know you want to be a total bitch about it, but no dice because I never said that I wasn’t going to try to fist you “without permission” or piss into your kitchen sink. If I had said, “I’m a perfect person and I never make mistakes, please get mad at me when I do even a tiny thing wrong,” then yeah, you could totally be like “BOOYAH!” right now. But turns out I never said that and you’re being the ultimate boner killer. Quick—eat a banana so I get my chub back.
I’m sorry? More like you’re sorry for even suggesting that I’m wrong. Boom, gotcha—now YOU’RE the one who’s wrong! The thing is, I’m a human and humans make mistakes. I mean, I don’t make mistakes a lot. I am actually a pretty good guy and would never hurt anyone on purpose who didn’t totally deserve it. Wait, lemme do an impression of you: “BLAH BLAH BLAH I’M NOT IN THE MOOD TONIGHT BECAUSE I FEEL SAD AND ANNOYING.” Pretty good, right? Are we gonna boink or what?
Any time some chick gets mad at me, it’s like, are on your period? Ha, just playin’. I know you’re not because I don’t date girls who do gross shit. You just need to remember that your expectations are way too high and I’m only human but you’re gross when you get your period. Remember, I never said I wouldn’t give you syphilis or throw a raw steak at you when I’m hungry or give you syphilis a second time. I didn’t break any promises, and I won’t get tested. Tests are super gay and I love tits. Your tits. Mmm. Sorry, now I’m thinking of someone else’s tits.
So next time you think about getting mad at me, just don’t and remember: I never said I was perfect so you shouldn’t expect me to be. Now how about you say sorry and I promise not to try to slip it in your butt next time we smash—haha GOTCHA, I was crossing my fingers. I’m definitely gonna try.