Not to Brag, But My Boyfriend’s a Rescue

Whenever people meet my boyfriend Jared, they want to know everything about him! They’re always asking me where I found him, how old he is, and where they can find a companion as sweet, quiet and loving as him. The funny thing is, I didn’t meet him on some fancy dating app or at any kind of high-class networking event for successful individuals. My boyfriend is a rescue, and I found him outside a Benihana’s in my hometown of Manhasset, New York.


I don’t mean to sound like I’m bragging, but he’s the best-behaved boyfriend I’ve ever had, and he would still be at that Benihana’s eating a sashimi combination alone on a Monday morning if I hadn’t picked him up and brought him home. I’m really not trying to pat myself on the back like I’m a saint or anything. I just fell in love with his big dumb dirty face the moment I saw it.


Four years ago when I decided to get a boyfriend, I decided I wanted someone handsome and employed full-time, like a doctor or the CEO of a tech company. But then I learned how many hapless boyfriends never find a girlfriend in the United States, simply because most people prefer a partner who doesn’t look like they just walked in off the streets, is house trained, and not “unemployed and still living in Long Island.”


The actual number is 2.7 million, and I decided I couldn’t stand for it.


I’m not trying to make myself sound like a hero, but I brought Jared home the same day we met because I knew he needed a home. He had taken shelter in this leaky basement apartment that was just so sad. I knew with some love and attention from me, he could have a much better life! Though it might sound corny, he was the boyfriend I’d been looking for all along. I never would have asked for a 38-year-old “former” drum instructor at the local Guitar Center to sit on my couch looking dopey all day, but somehow he’s the one who found me.



Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against emotionally healthy or high-achieving men with shiny healthy looking hair, or anything like that. A ton of my friends date men who know how to take care of themselves and they find a way to do that ethically. But I just can’t support it myself. Those “purebred” men have plenty of options whereas someone like Jared has only one: Me.


You can say that sounds self-righteous if you want, but I prefer to consider it selfless. Because the number of broken, unpartnered men could be reduced dramatically if only more people like me chose to rescue, instead of selfishly dating fully-formed men who would actually add to their lives instead of taking from them. So consider doing your homework before you date and please try to adopt, don’t shop.