How to Take Things Slow Instead of Fucking So Much You Die

Taking things slow is the key to a long-lasting and healthy relationship. If you take things slow, you can make sure you’re communicating, taking stock or your emotions, and holding back from banging literally nonstop until you both drop dead. Here’s how to build a relationship slowly instead of doing the thing you usually do, which is fucking so fucking much that you fucking die.

 

Hang Out Once a Week

If you’re the kind of gal who tends to throw caution to the wind in new relationships, try taking things slow this time. Space out your dates so you see each other once a week to allow your relationship to build slowly and steadily. Otherwise, you’ll end up boning so much you collapse because, you know, you’re dead. Way to not die this time!

 

Wait to Sleep Over

You may be tempted to spend the night with the awesome new guy you like, but remember healthy boundaries are everything. Make a plan to leave his apartment before things escalate. Sex makes everything more intense, which you know because last time you dated someone you screwed so much you died and then couldn’t keep dating because you were dead. Stay alive this time, girl!

 

See Each Other in Group Settings

This may seem like a step backward, but it’s actually an incredible way to invite him into your life on a deeper level. Introduce him to your friends and show him he’s welcome. This indicates you’re in this for the long haul. Otherwise, you’ll jump into this too fast and fuck for a thousand hours before turning into an urn full of sad ashes. Slow and steady keeps you breathing!

 

Limit the Daydreaming

It can be tempting to daydreaming about the person you’re seeing, but do your best to stay in the present moment. If you do catch yourself fantasizing about humping him, quickly picture yourself collapsing into a pile of bones, because that will happen if you guys bang. If you dream it, you’ll fucking die!

 

 

Don’t Text Too Much

When you like someone, you may feel the urge to talk to them all the time, but it’s important to hold back. You know the classic phrase: Distance makes the heart grow fonder and fucking nonstop makes you die. So sit back, relax, and stop trying to die, dude!

 

Use these tips to take things slow instead of fucking for so long you literally die. If none of these work, just be honest with him and explain that you don’t want to rush this, because you really want to stay alive this time! Keep breathing, bitch, you got this!

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