Hey, David, I’m Outside Your Door LOL

White Woman Speaks:

Hey, David! This isn’t creepy at all and I am not stalking you, LOL! Definitely not! I was just in the neighborhood and noticed you haven’t responded to any of my texts, phone calls, or that one video I posted to your Facebook wall that had me in tears OMG. So I thought I would drop by! Hahaha, this is SO weird. Right? What a coincidence!


You can open the door at any time, you know! I’ll just be out here waiting, SMDH at this whole crazy situation! I saw you turn your light off, so there is no doubt you are home. Also, you are always home at 7:15 every weekday night except for last Thurday, so hahahaha what’s going on? Where were you on Throwback Thursday, David??? You didn’t comment on that pic of us from a month ago.


It’s cool. I’m chill. I don’t have to know. Obviously you have your own life. So do I. DUH. #blessed. I’ve been doing so many cool things this week you don’t even know because you haven’t asked me, but you should ask and I will send you a selfie of what I’m doing. LOL


So, like, what are you doing in there? I know you hear me on the other side of the door. I heard you say, “shhh, be quiet.” Are you talking to yourself, LOL? I don’t know why you would have a girl in there. I’m a girl! LOL! And I’m out here! Let me in!!! Hahaha



HAHAHAHA I’m just kidding, you don’t have to, but you should definitely open the door and tell me why you clicked “not going” to the Facebook event I made called “Cuddle Sesh”. You were the only other person invited! I had to have a cuddle sesh alone, David! Well aside from my adorable dog. DAVID. Hahahaha! I’m not yelling! I’m just joking around. I’m a super cool, easy-breezy, jokester girl. I’m honestly SO CHILL. Like any reasonable person I just want to get to the bottom of this whole you not texting me back thing. IS YOUR PHONE DEAD, DAVID? Oh my God, did it get stolen? Are you okay?? Open the door. Let me in. If you’re having trouble with your phone I might be able to help! LOL?


DAVID. Open the Goddamn door. I’m taking my top off. I’m doing it RIGHT NOW. I’m wearing a push-up bra, so I look amazing. You gotta come out here and see this. HAHAHAHAH I AM NOT KIDDING, DAVID. I am not just going to send you the bikini emoji. This is for real. OPEN THE DOOR!!! LO