Have you ever leaned in to give your boyfriend a sensual smooch, only to be greeted by a constellation of blackheads all over his face? You can make even the most disgusting stuff into sex stuff if you really try! Here’s how to make extracting your boyfriend’s icky blackheads a sex thing that both of you can get down with:
Tell him you got a new toy.
Forget vibrators—a stainless steel blackhead remover is the most effective way to get white stuff to squirt out… of the bridge of his nose! After you’re through with him, you’re both going to have to take a long shower to clean up. Just be sure to take your toy with you, because it’ll be covered in goop!
Role play with pore strips.
Sometimes the sexiest thing you can do is pretend you are someone else. Introduce yourself as someone sexy like “Dermatologist Diane” and tell your man to strip down for an erotic massage. He’ll barely notice when you integrate a pore strip into the scintillating scene. Make sure to say, DON’T TOUCH IT! while you engage in light foreplay as the strip hardens. Rip off the strip with your teeth for extra “grrrrrowl” factor! Damn, Diane!
Eat food off his body—specifically, an oatmeal mask off his face
Sure, whipped cream is sexy—but it’s also chock full of sugar, and therefore one of the worst things to put on your boyfriend’s skin. Instead, soften some oats in warm water, form a sticky paste, and start rubbing it all over his gorgeous oily face in teasing, circular, exfoliating motions. After 1-2 minutes, lick it off with your tongue. Bonus: pop a few blueberries in your mouth before licking it off to kickstart a healthy morning!
When you’re done, do it doggy-style so you can’t touch his face
After you’ve successfully made extracting your boyfriend’s blackheads into a sex thing, put his history of blemishes behind you—by doing it doggy style! That way, you won’t be tempted to paw your bacteria-covered hands all over his newly baby-smooth face. Feel free to turn back around a few times to smooch, but only after you wash any greasy residue or gloss from your lips. You kiss your mother with that mouth? That’s okay, she’s too old to get acne!
When you really love someone, you want to squeeze them tight. And when your boyfriend has acne, you’ll want to squeeze that tight, too. Just be sure to keep it flirty!