When you’re a curvy girl, finding the right pair of shorts can be next to impossible. I had all but given up recently until I stumbled upon the most incredible pair – all because I whispered a positive affirmation at my reflection. That’s right: I chanted “thick thighs save lives” into a mirror three times, and the perfect pair of shorts simply manifested before me.
Every kid knows that if you chant “Bloody Mary” into a mirror three times, Bloody Mary will supposedly appear behind you. This is obviously just a tall tale, but you know what isn’t? Chanting “thick thighs save lives” over and over again until the literal perfect pair of shorts appears beside you and you can put them on and wear them to brunch!
When I started chanting “thick thighs save lives” with a real sense of desperation into the mirror, I wasn’t looking to find the perfect pair of loose fitting, linen shorts. I was just alone in my apartment being insane. I was fed up with the unnatural beauty standards that permeate the fashion industry, and apparently, so were the ghosts wandering the spirit world who I summoned when I said “thick thighs save lives” into the mirror and one of them was like, “Actually, yes.”
So I began chanting, getting louder and louder and, yes, crying a little bit, when suddenly my room started to get really windy and cold. I guess it was a vortex opening or something because suddenly a pair of black linen drawstring shorts that are high-waisted but also go down to my mid thigh were just sitting on my bed? I put them on and it was like being reunited with a long lost friend, but if that friend was just a really good pair of shorts.
I can’t believe all the chanting and screaming and weeping paid off, but it did!
Shopping can be so overwhelming, especially when you don’t fit into “typical” sizing and have pretty large thighs. That’s why I’ve made it my mission to let other frustrated women know that they too can have a great pair of shorts if they’re willing to scream a nonsensical affirmation into the mirror.
I guess what it comes down to is that thick thighs maybe don’t actually save lives. But the saying “thick thighs save lives” does save lives. I know because it saved mine.