I Finally Relate To The GOP Now That They’re Being Owned By Teenagers

I’ve always found the Republican Party to be pretty repulsive. In general, they stand for almost everything I’m against. But suddenly I find myself empathizing with them. Not because I agree with anything they believe – far from it – but because they, like me, are being yelled at by teenagers.


In my opinion, most Republican lawmaker’s pockets are so deeply padded with money from the NRA, they’re unwilling to pass even basic gun reform even though most Americans want it. That makes me furious! But wow, now that the teenagers from Parkland, Florida are yelling at them, I also find all those guys to be super duper relatable! Because teenagers are always yelling at me, too! Like, all the time!


Sometimes teens will yell at me from the street as they drive by in their cool cars. Things like, “You look dumb,” which I deserve because I actually do! In my experience, teens are extremely intimidating but almost always right. That’s why I feel for those poor GOP senators. Because when teens are screaming in your face (which they are frequently doing to me) you just gotta smile and say, “You’re right!”



I have to say, it’s kind of uplifting to watch someone beside myself get fully owned by angry teens. Watching a teen own Marco Rubio, for instance, was exhilarating. But I was also like, “Hey, I feel you buddy. Teens hate me too!” Like, sometimes a group of teens will talk really loudly on purpose right outside my house. Haha, teens can be so random!


I’m glad it was being the victim of the angry wrath of teens that finally got me to relate in some way to one of only two major political parties in our country!!


One thing’s for sure, though! If teens have intimidated me into staying indoors and never leaving my house, which they have, they can definitely force those GOP senators to pass some gun control legislation. I have faith in teens! They’re so scary!


A bunch of teens got me to finally start parting my hair on the side and waxing my upper lip. Thanks, teens!