DC Announces Wonder Woman Sequel Where She’ll Battle Even Higher Standards

DC has already released preliminary details about a forthcoming sequel to Wonder Woman, the Gal Gadot-starring superhero movie directed by Patty Jenkins that broke box office records last weekend. In the next installment of the Amazonian superhero’s story, Wonder Woman will trade in Ares for a more dangerous foe: even higher and more unrealistic standards for women to live up to.

 

“Wonder Woman isn’t your average superhero,” explained a DC spokesperson. “She’s a woman, so she has to be tougher, better looking, and fit more seamlessly into the DC extended universe than any of the superheroes who have come before her.”

 

In the upcoming sequel, the evil force of impossibly high standards will plague Wonder Woman at every turn. She will face those saying that she is too feminist, not feminist enough, or feminist in a kind of smug, obvious way that is off-putting to some people.

 

 

She’ll face nefarious foes, like critics focusing the entirety of their film reviews on her appearance and garb before dismissing the film as insubstantial, and guys complaining that they are sick of movies forcing a feminist agenda down their throats. DC has yet to release details about the upcoming film’s main villain, but they teased that his mantra will be “It was a little too on-the-nose for me.”

 

Can she succeed at managing everyone’s expectations, or will her failure doom woman-helmed action movies for the next ten years?

 

“The stakes are so much higher for Wonder Woman,” explained the spokesperson. “She has to achieve the exact perfect balance between entertainment value and substance, in addition to having a strong feminist message, while our male superheroes don’t have to make any kind of political statement at all. She also has to be incredibly hot, but again, not in a way that makes her anti-feminist.”

 

While the 2017 film had our hero debating whether humanity is worth saving, in the follow-up, she’ll grapple with the complex issues of “can you be empowering while wearing a bustier?” whether anyone can just enjoy a movie these days without having to make it into some social justice issue, and whether Kevin, 19, of Saint Paul, Minnesota would bang her.

 

As for the action sequences, DC promises that they’ll be even more badass, perfectly choreographed, and gorgeously lit than those in the first film, because they have to be.

 

The sequel is expected to debut in 2022. Whether the director will be a white man or a token to pacify the PC police has yet to be announced.

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