Phew! Wonder Woman Successful Enough That All Women May Live Another Day

Time to breathe a big sigh of relief, ladies, because Wonder Woman did well enough at the box office this weekend that all women everywhere will be permitted to live another day!


As with every female driven blockbuster, the fate of all women across the globe rested on Wonder Woman’s ability to achieve not just critical, but commercial success. And as the film grossed a whopping $100.5 million in it’s opening weekend, it’s looking as if all women will not have to die. Phew!


Hollywood is famously short on female directors, but even more famous is the fact that when a female-led movie is bad, all women are immediately sentenced to death.


As the first female superhero movie directed by a female woman, many were understandably nervous that the film would flop and that no one woman would ever be able to direct a movie again because all woman are the same and have the same exact set of skills and when one is bad at her job she brings down the rest of us too, like sexy dominoes. Luckily the movie was a huge, unprecedented success, which means that not only do all woman get to live, but also that a woman might get to direct another big action franchise in ten to twelve years. Progress!



“The movie performed exceptionally well both domestically and abroad,” said Kenneth Goldfarb, an executive at Warner Brothers. “I think men and women are enjoying this female film, which is why we at Warner Brother are proud to permit all women to keep on living.”


Patty Jenkins, who held the precious lives of every single woman in her hands while she directed Wonder Woman, is best known for the 2003 film Monster, about female serial killer Aileen Wuornos. The film was a critical success and won it’s star, Charlize Theron, an academy award for best actor. The movie was so good, in fact, that Jenkins was granted ten years of blissful unemployment to bask in the glow of her incredible work! And no women had to die!


Meanwhile, male director M. Night Shyamalan has directed 72 mediocre flops that have only made men stronger and more powerful. What a twist!