Woman Only Judges Other Women By Their Eyebrows

Kelly Stein, described by her friend group as “totally open-minded, but with really specific tastes,” is most known for judging women by the shape of their eyebrows.


“At first I thought was she was saying about Lisa’s eyebrows was really mean,” admits friend Paula Springer. “But then, I was like, wow, Lisa totally does need a good threading.”


“I would never judge another woman for her body,” says Stein. “Her eyebrows, on the other hand, are fair game for the harshest judgments I can muster.”


Some of Stein’s friends have even found her tough-love grooming advice to be quite helpful. “For whatever reason, I could never get my girlfriends to take my thoughts on Middle Eastern politics seriously,” says friend Jessica Stern. But one day I decided to take Kelly’s advice and use a little bit of eyebrow pencil. Suddenly, even my boss was asking for my theories on Palestine. And he’s the president!”


“Yeah, I can take Jessica way more seriously now,” adds Stein.



“It’s definitely not just a women’s issue,” she adds. “People of all shapes, sizes, and genders are capable of turning their forehead caterpillars into forehead butterflies. It just takes a little bit of effort. And, you know, the right person willing to tell you that your eyebrows make you look untrustworthy.”


When asked if she would share her judgments with more people, Stein responds, “Never. When I tweet at a random celebrity with my thoughts on their questionable plucking pattern, I don’t expect anything in return.”


“Your brows say a lot more about your work ethic and grooming patterns than you think,” she adds. “I’m only telling you this to make you a better person, one eyebrow at a time.”