White Woman Crying Over Article About White Women Crying

After reading a recent editorial piece about white women using crying as a weapon against being held accountable, 31-year-old white woman Katie Williamson broke down into tears.


“I don’t understand why the writer is calling white women out like this, and I’m just too upset to even try to understand why,” said Katie. “I just know I feel very attacked right now and I don’t know why she did this to me.”


Katie, who is unable to understand any point of view that is critical of her, went on to describe why she was so worked up over the article.


“This writer is basically saying that white women use their emotions to avoid taking responsibility for their words or actions,” explained Katie. “But it seems really aggressive of her to target one specific demographic like that. I’m sorry I need a moment, I’m just getting really emotional right now.”


The non-white women in Katie’s life beg to differ with her analysis of the write-up.


“Honestly, Katie pulls this shit all the time,” said Yasmina Khadem, Katie’s college friend. “And the reason she’s crying over this article is because she just doesn’t like that it’s exposing her go-to tactic to avoid ever being held accountable for the dumb, racially insensitive things she says and does.”


“Once, I calmly asked her to stop calling my curly hair ‘nappy’, and she lost it: tears, whining, the whole bit,” said coworker Tisha Collins. “Katie seems to inherently know that if she plays the damsel in distress, her whiteness will give her a get-out-of-jail-free pass. It’s like it was learned behavior since birth.”


But Katie doesn’t see what she’s doing wrong.


“Look, I’m not trying to deflect attention away from my actions,” said Katie. “I’m upset because the writer was being really mean and she hurt my feelings.”


“Maybe she would get her point across without making white women cry if she stopped being so hostile,” Katie added, before excusing herself to go cry loudly in the bathroom.