How to Wake Up Earlier Even Though That’s Going to Make Your Day Longer Attempt to find joy in being awake and alive?
4 Grounding Techniques That Are Not as Effective as Throwing Your Computer Out of an Open Window That felt good, huh?
Red Flag? This Man Has a Dry Erase Board in His Bedroom but No Ideas You were able to make out the phrases “toaster for pizza” and “pilot?”
QUIZ: Should You Say Hi to the Person You Know in This Coffee Shop or Panic and Just Start Flipping Tables? “Oh god. I need a quick and loud distraction.”
Why It’s Impossible to Get Anything Done in the Government Unless You Want to Do Bad Stuff Good moves slow and bad moves fast.
Coffee and Period Join Forces to Provide Woman With Most Destructive Poop of Her Life “They’ve really created something special.”
Artsy Friend Reluctantly Accepts Role as Hairdresser of Friend Group “She takes amazing landscape photos, so I’m confident she’ll be able to cut curtain bangs.”
How to Build Community by Waving at People When You’re on a Boat You’re on a boat, and people will love that about you!
‘Beards Are Makeup for Men,’ Says Man Who Should Literally Just Try Makeup “I don’t know if he realizes that ‘makeup’ is also makeup for men.”
4 Gifts for Your Unresponsive Friend That Are All Portable Chargers New iPhone is a great second option though!
Woman Would Have Awesome Thoughts if She Were Comfortable With Even One Minute of Boredom “Why would I opt for boredom? Boredom sucks.”
Brave! Umbrella Leaving House Knows There’s an 80% Chance It Doesn’t Make It Home “He doesn’t wish to leave his family behind but he knows that you need him.”
’Thanksgiving Just Feels Different This Year,’ Says Woman Describing Passage of Time and End of Childhood No one really wanted to tell her that, because it’s a profoundly sad idea.
Dog Who Is Profoundly Joyful at Your Return Unaware It Is Temporary Experts say this will only make it harder for him when you leave in 72 hours, you sick fuck.
QUIZ: Did You Sleep Weird or Is It the First Semblance of Back Pain That Will Plague You for Life? Can you touch your toes?
5 Cat Treats That Are Actually Human Meals That You Made for Yourself Just make sure to wipe off the Caesar dressing befo––oh, he likes it? Okay, sure, go for it!
‘I Have IBS,’ Says Woman Who Actually Just Had Four Drinkable Yogurts “I have no clue what makes it act up!”
How to Have a One-Night Stand Even Though You Need Your CPAP Machine to Sleep Work the machine into your foreplay.
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