QUIZ: Is It Long Covid or Stupid Brain?

With COVID-19 seemingly here to stay and new strains popping up every season, it’s hard to know for certain what toll it’s taking on our bodies. The brain fog element of Long Covid, for example, is extremely concerning. But how do you distinguish between the long-term effects of the novel coronavirus on your brain and the long-term effects of being a stupid idiot? Take this quiz to find out if it really is Long Covid or just Stupid Brain.

Is it abnormal for you to find yourself lost for words?

1. Yes! I used to be so eloquent and prided myself on my vast vocabulary, but these days, I can never seem to find the right word.
2. TBH, this has always been my story. I’m not a word guy, or — what do you call it — wordsmith! Yes. I’m not a wordsmith.

How often do you find yourself struggling with tasks you used to be able to complete easily.

1. All the time, and it’s so frustrating. I used to be so capable and now struggle with rudimentary tasks.
2. I wouldn’t say anything has ever come easily to me. 

Do you have any physical symptoms left over from the novel coronavirus?

1. I have a lingering sore throat, constant shortness of breath, and intermittent migraines. 
2. “Novel?” Can’t say I’ve read any of those.

Have those around you noticed a decline in your cognitive function?

1. Yes. My wife is very concerned for me and encouraged me to reach out to my doctor.
2. If anything, they say I’ve gotten smarter. 

6 times 8 is 48. True or false. 

1. True, obviously. I don’t think Covid affects your ability to do simple math. I have some brain fog but I’m not a goddamn idiot. 
2. False. Or wait, true? It depends on how much “6” is. 

Have you had COVID-19 at any point in the last five years? 

1. Yes. Many times.
2. No. Why do you ask?

RESULTS: 

Mostly 1s: Unfortunately, it sounds like you might have Long Covid. Take solace in the fact that you were once very smart. We’re wishing you all the best. 

Mostly 2s: Congrats! You’re just an idiot! In the grand scheme of things, this is probably the better result. Get out there and live your long, unexamined life, stupid king!