As the birds chirp and flowers bloom in Springfield, IL, 26-year-old Sudi Desman has decided to do a bit of spring cleaning this morning, by which she means she is going to move the “donation pile” from the corner of her bedroom into the communal living room.
“Spring is all about new beginnings and opening yourself up to new possibilities,” she told reporters gathered at the scene. “Cleaning my living space is a great way to symbolize that! This is why I have decided to move my donation pile to the living room.”
The donation pile in question is a stack of about nine shirts, two skirts, and five pairs of jeans that Sudi has not worn since 2013 and has been meaning to give away since 2018.
“I sorted through my closet in 2018 to make sure I was getting rid of the stuff I don’t wear,” she continued, lightly patting the pile, and watching clouds of dust arise. “So I separated that stuff and moved it to this corner in order to donate it!”
As far as whether Sudi ever donated it, the answer appears to be no.
“Every six weeks I consider donating it, and I’ve gone so far as reorganizing it to get it ready for donation,” she continued. “But then, I inevitably lose steam and just move it to another part of the room. Not today, though! Today I will be going all the way.”
By “going all the way,” it appears Sudi means “officially moving the pile out of her own space and into everyone else’s space.”
“Ah, it just looks right, doesn’t it?” Sudi continued after picking the pile up and moving it next to her roommate’s couch. “I feel lighter already!”
Meanwhile, her roommates seem less than pleased with this “spring cleaning.”
“She does this every year,” Sudi’s roommate, Sally Mendez, told reporters. “We have, like, seven donation piles of hers in the living room at this point. Every year she adds a new one without ever taking them to a thrift store or Goodwill.”
Sources confirm some of the clothes in these piles date back to Sudi’s elementary school years.
“You never know when someone is going to want a grass-stained iCarly shirt!” Sudi argued in her defense. “It could come back in style!”
As of press time, Sudi didn’t even attempt to clean anything else in her room, and instead decided to reward herself by sitting on her phone in the living room for about 90 minutes.
