2015 is going to be your year—you have some boss ideas for organizing your home office, you’re self-publishing a book about codependent relationships, and you’re the proud owner of a brand spanking new fitness tracker to motivate you. But what do you do when temptations like work, sleep, and television collude to make those goals too tough to meet? Instead of letting failure get to you, here are some step-like motions that will trick your pedometer into thinking you’ve made those steps. Either way, you’ve sort of put in the effort, so why not reap the rewards?
Office Chair Choo-Choo. Roll your office chair across the floor with your feet. This works best on a bumpy floor—you want your tracker to register the movement. A better option is to get your intern to push your chair. Focus on your progress—I think I can I think I can reach 6,500 steps!
Strap it to the dog. While you relax on your porch with a nice pinot and an US magazine, why not fasten that nagging little fucker to Rex’s collar? Let him run around to get those steps. Break out his favorite fetch toy to really get things moving! This will also work on any stray cat, squirrel, or small child you see hanging around Starbucks. Keep in mind you will have to chase it to get it back, which might require some effort.
Find a Stowaway! Do you have one inspiring friend or coworker—one who’s always up before dawn for a job, or walking laps around the office building on her lunch break? Well, why not put it on her? Discreetly tuck it into her back pocket before she heads out, then retrieve it after she gets back from the gym.
Step on over to the dryer. Secure your fitness tracker inside something durable, like the inside of an unused athletic shoe or a tennis ball. Toss the loaded item into the dryer and let it run for about 20 minutes on air fluff. Don’t worry if you goof and leave the heat on—surely the warranty covers that.
Do the Sharper Image Shuffle! Did you or a loved one receive any sort of robotic toy this holiday season? Tether that fitness tracker to Robo-Raptor and rack ‘em up while you scare the cat! Your Roomba’s ass is gonna look great!
Don’t waste your fitness determination on getting fit. Use that motivation to get what you really want—credit. Good luck!