People keep telling me that being a feminist simply means that you believe women should have equal rights as men. Well, I guess if I have to classify myself as a feminist, I will. But I’m not a feminist with a capital “F.” I consider myself a feminist with a lowercase “f,” in comic sans.
That’s right, I said comic sans. Whoever said that feminists don’t know how to have fun?
The lowercase “f” showcases a self-esteem problem masquerading as humility, which is so me. I’m so relieved that I’ve finally found a way to feel okay about self-identifying as a feminist, because I like my rights, but I’m totally not a man-hater! If anything, I’m a man-lover. I love men and I have sex with them, but also, I’m a feminist. To take care of this contradiction, I only describe myself as a feminist when I have control over the case and font of the “f.”
Yes, I know I can drive a car and vote have a credit card and work outside the home and all those things. I get it; I have benefitted from all the things that feminism has worked so hard for. But do I have to repay that debt by conforming to a properly capitalized, nondescript font when describing my personal brand of feminism-lite? No, I do not.
There’s nothing wrong with my kind of feminism. It works for me. And if there comes a day when I have to walk into my boss’s office and hand him a slip of paper that says, “It has come to my attention that all my male colleagues make more money than I do,” I want to do so in a way that reflects my personality: I want to write it in comic sans.
Look, I’m a fun person! I like to have fun! Walking around D.C. with a scowl on my face while holding a sign that says, “Stop raping me already” or, “I put the ‘om’ in womb” just isn’t my idea of a good time. I wish I could say I felt differently about that, except that I don’t. In my version of feminism, I get to sing Motown songs to my hamster and eat pancakes for dinner in my own apartment while ALSO having a job with benefits and doing the kinds of sex I like to do. If I want to, I’ll even get highlights and I won’t be ashamed of it.
Yes, as a strong woman, I can do anything I want to do, but I only really want to do things that are fun. So what? I’m a lowercase comic sans feminist, and if you’ve got a problem with that: