So, you’ve been on a few dates with this 28-year-old guy, and you finally make your way back to his place, only to find that he has not one, but three, male roommates. Don’t worry! The relationship might still be salvageable. Take this quiz to find out if his roommates are cool enough to make the general concept of “having roommates” cool.
Did he know his roommates personally before they all started living together?
- Nope. He was actually the outsider and found them on Craigslist when he decided 27 was too old to be living with his parents. That’s not bad, right?
- Yes! They met in college, where they were all staffed for their school’s premier fashion magazine. They took a road trip across the Great Plains together post-grad – just a truck and some old John Prine – and realized their lives would be pretty empty without each other. Sick, huh?
Could he live alone if we wanted to?
- Absolutely not. We biked to the restaurant on our second date.
- Yes, but he loves these guys! Also, Henry (that’s roommate #2) is pursuing visual art full time and needs the help with rent. Guess my guy’s kind of a sweetie.
How would you describe the roommates’ vibes?
- Rancid. Absolutely horrible. This one guy, Gustaf, will not stop snickering and stroking his neck beard when I walk into the room. I keep being like, “Say it, Gustaf! Say what you’re thinking!” but then he slinks back into the shadows.
- Pretty chill. I might even be friends with them independently of him.
Are any of his roommates in a band?
- Nope, they’re largely talentless.
- Yes! Caleb (roommate #3) is in the Swift Hankering Intrusives. Pretty sick name.
Is the band good?
- None of them are in a band. Gustaf has a ferret though.
- Yeah! The band is great! They’re big on metal-funk-pop crossovers.
- Seriously. A ferret.
- Okay the band is fine. The band is pretty bad.
Mostly 1s: Get out of there. And don’t tell anyone where you’re going. The relationship is dead. He never stood a chance.
Mostly 2s: Well, they tried their best, but his roommates are also not cool enough to make “having roommates” cool. Are they nice people? Yeah. Do they seem like great hangs? Absolutely! Would it be cooler if they were just “his friends” and he lived alone? Yes, siree.