Bras That Are More Supportive Than Stephanie

Finding the right bra can be hard, but once you’ve found the perfect size and style, you’ll feel cute and comfortable, unlike going to brunch with Stephanie. Here are great, versatile bras to give you support that lasts, unlike Stephanie, who really has some work to do:


Chantelle Aria Lightweight Bra (Nordstrom, $78)

This ultra-resilient bra fits in all the right places and promises plenty of support, unlike Stephanie, who has yet to say, “Good job!” on launching your own line of homemade sugar scrubs. With a wide elastic band and three sturdy clasps, this bra hugs you in all the right places. You know when you could have a hug? After you offered Stephanie a free sample of your vanilla-scented bath salts that you worked really hard on. This lightly padded bra may be on the pricey side, but everyone knows that quality products are worth paying for, Stephanie.


Nike Pro Rival Sports Bra (Nike, $55)

Made with innovative Dry-Fit material, this sturdy sports bra will make all your exercise dreams come true! When you came up with your own hybrid yoga-zumba class (Zumga!), Stephanie completely failed to show up as a participant or a friend. Good thing you were wearing this bra, otherwise you would have been completely left out to dry. This bra’s compression-molded fit is super flexible, unlike Stephanie, who can’t even show up to a 9:00AM class. Really, Stephanie? Is it that hard?


Lightly Lined Demi Bra (Target, $8)

This cheap bra is worthless if you are bigger than an A-cup, but it’s still a better investment than your friendship with Stephanie. It may not be perfectly constructed, but this demi bra will give you a boost when Stephanie makes you come over to her house for wine even though you just got dumped at a funeral. This bra will support you right where you are, which is what Stephanie would have done if she were a real friend.



Essential Lace Bandeau (Free People, $20)

This barely-there bandeau somehow still manages to be there for you more than Stephanie, who outright refuses to support your new entrepreneurial venture selling an age-defying body contouring serum. There is not a single fiber in this lacey stand of fabric that can provide support, but at least it doesn’t accuse you of being part of a pyramid scheme. And when it ends up that whole scam thing is actually true and you have 200 bottles of Miracum and a lot of debt, this bandeau is ideal for crumpling into a ball and crying into when Stephanie doesn’t answer your panicked texts.


No Bra ($0)

That’s right, even going completely braless gives you more support than your heartless “friend” Stephanie. When you free yourself from the confinements of a bra, you’ll finally free yourself from your toxic friendship with Stephanie, whose support for you is very conditional. But guess what? You don’t need a bra and you don’t need Stephanie! You don’t need ANYBODY! Now, go! Unclasp that restrictive piece of fabric and be free. You and your boobs can support themselves now.


Whether you’re looking for the perfect push-up or you’re ready to start bare boobin’ it, these bras give you a great opportunity to evaluate your friendship with Stephanie, who has yet to spread the word about your crocheted coasters store on Etsy.