It was bad news for a small group of workers this week as you announced that all bras would remain furloughed through July.
“I can’t pretend I’m not disappointed,” says your former head bra, underwire division. “I thought for sure we’d be back this month for outdoor activities, now who knows.”
“In fact, it’s embarrassing to say,” she continues. “But prior to this whole ordeal, I actually assumed we were essential workers.”
“Well, honestly, I just thought I was essential,” it adds. “I mean we all know I was worn basically every single day unless I was in the wash, but I’m trying to keep morale up for the rest of the team.”
While the undergarments are struggling to accept the extension, you feel positive toward the arrangement.
“During the first couple months I really got used to this furlough,” you say. “Then later when I had to leave the house a bit more, I realized I still didn’t need a bra. If I continue to work from home, then I’d say this less of a furlough and more of a massive layoff.”
“Of course, I would feel bad as these bras’ sole employer,” you add. “But, you know, they’re bras, so it actually doesn’t matter.”
You now predict that regardless of when the furlough ends, your team can expect to see downsizing and reduced hours.
“Wait,” says your fancy bra. “We’re on furlough?”