Men oftentimes have trouble finding the clit, which makes sense since they’re men and they love assuming they’re right without asking questions. So forget guys! Use random things around your house to get off with way more precision. Here are four household objects that will find your clit faster than any man you’ve ever slept with.
Washing Machine
If you’re looking for an appliance to find your clit so fast you swear off men forever, look no further than your trusty washing machine. While your laundry is in its spin cycle, sit on top of your washer and let the vibration take over. You’ll be surprised how easily this machine finds your clit, compared to all the men who’ve confidently rubbed the crease between your upper thigh and your vulva as though that’s where anything is. Cheers to your Maytag – the most high efficiency lover out there!
Throw Pillow
Throw away men forever and start doing the dirty with your throw pillow. You will be shocked that this bag of duck feathers finds your clitoris immediately, after years of having men’s faces buried in your vag for hours to no avail. While guys may tell you you’re not in the “right mental zone” to orgasm, throw pillows know to just shut up and touch your pleasure center. Very cool that a soft cushion understands the female anatomy more than any dude you’ve ever met!
Electric Toothbrush
Get comfortable, lie the handle of your electric toothbrush against your vagina and press ‘on’. You’ll be impressed at how well this electric toothbrush comprehends basic female pleasure after years of your ex jabbing your vagina hole and asking, “Are you close?” Shoutout to this $25 piece of metal that understands the command “go softer” in a way no guy ever has!
Celery
Rub a veggie from your fridge against your clit. Who knew a vegetable could make you cum just by touching you gently for a couple minutes? Say goodbye to dudes with egos so big they really believe poking you with their dick is a surefire way to get you off! Hello celery!
These four objects will definitely find your clit much faster than all those dudes you’ve fucked. Next time you want to have sex, maybe fuck a cell phone! At least cell phones actually understand women’s bodies!
