Are You Living Authentically, Or Are You A Female Lead Sprung From The Imagination Of A Young Male Auteur?

It’s easy to get caught up in life. From work to love to family and everything in-between, it can be hard to find time to really reflect – to take a step back and ask yourself, “Am I truly living for me?” Because you could be living your most authentic life, or you could merely be the female lead of an up-and-coming writer/director’s latest work, only written to affirm his desires and worldview. Take this quiz to find out which one you are!


What’s your relationship with your parents like?

A: We fight from time to time, but ultimately I know they love and support me.

B: Funny, now that you mention it, I don’t think I had a life at all before this guy Jake waltzed into mine. I do have a wind-up music box with a ballerina inside that fills me with nostalgia and serves as an all-encompassing metaphor for my entire interior life though.


What kind of music do you listen to?

A: A little bit of everything!

B: Mostly the Smiths, the Cure, Talking Heads – you know, stuff that reminds young men of their adolescence. Most people think I’m really weird for loving Morrissey, but what can I say? That’s why I was always kind of a loner growing up, just like Jake. I just get him.


Are you much of a shopper?

A: I wouldn’t say I’m a fashionista, but I’ll splurge on nice outfits from time to time.

B: I’m an artist, so I don’t spend a lot of money on clothes. I mostly shop at thrift stores. That said, I manage to find adorable, quirky outfits that push the boundaries of everyday fashion and make heads turn. My eye for style, paired with my all-natural je ne sais quoi, makes me utterly undeniable to Jake, the only guy who sees me.


How are you health/fitness wise?

A: I do my best to eat salads and work out a few times a week.

B: I eat nothing but Pop-Tarts and Nerds Rope (I know, such a weird character trait!) but somehow maintain an impossibly nice body. It doesn’t make sense, but who cares! Jake loves Nerds Rope too.


Do you have long-term career goals?

A: Yes. Having a rich and fulfilling career is important to me.

B: Do I? I honestly can’t remember. Whenever Jake isn’t with me, I just sit in a dark room and wait for him to call me. One time I told Jake I wanted to run away to Morocco to start anew and just be, but I wouldn’t actually do that without him. Jake is the only one who could ever really “awaken” me.



Mostly As:

Congratulations, you’re a real person! You do your best to be your truest self throughout the trials and tribulations of life. Way to live authentically!


Mostly Bs:

We hate to be the bearers of bad news, but unfortunately, you don’t actually exist. A faux-philosophical guy named Jake wrote you into his script in order to allow the plot’s hero (a thinly-veiled version of Jake himself) to grow. Without Jake, you do not exist. Sorry!