Fair Trade? This Man Mentally and Emotionally Tortured His Girlfriend for Months so She Took His Sweatshirt

Thoughts

Why Cigarettes Are Visually Disgusti – Oh, a Woman Is Holding One? Never Mind

My eyes pop out of my head, my jaw drops, and my tongue rolls onto the floor.

Love and Sex

REPORT: Boyfriend Assumed You Were Booking That

“You always book stuff! So I assumed you would continue to book stuff!”

Living

Woman Figures Single Use Plastic Less Bad if She Uses It Way Too Many Times

“Single-use plastics are 100-use plastics in my home, baby!”

News

Woman Spends Entirety of 30s Resting Between Sets at the Gym

“A decade is roughly enough time to start to feel like I’m ready to start that second set.”

News

REPORT: Minnesotan Ambulance Just Needs to Scoot Past Ya

“We’re certainly in a rush, but we don’t mean to inconvenience anyone.”

News

Introvert Requires 48 Hours of Alone Time to Recover From 15-Minute Conversation

“Engaging verbally with another human just drops my energy levels to zero.”

Thoughts

Why I Stopped Focusing on the Negatives and Started Focusing on the Gay Incest in ‘The White Lotus’

Everything will be okay. Everything will not be okay with Saxon, but that’s not my problem.

Living

Scary! Younger Brother Is Someone’s Best Friend’s Annoying Boyfriend

“My god, I have full body chills.”

News

Roommate Convinced Apartment Is Haunted by Ghost Who Only Ever Takes Out the Recycling

“Sometimes, certain hard plastics and empty cans of soda are also gone.”

Living

Woman Would Have Awesome Thoughts if She Were Comfortable With Even One Minute of Boredom

“Why would I opt for boredom? Boredom sucks.”

News

Woman Completes Every Single Work Task Between 4 p.m. and 4:45 p.m.

Harmony maintains that she can only work under extreme duress.

Living

How to Wake Up Earlier Even Though That’s Going to Make Your Day Longer

Attempt to find joy in being awake and alive?

News

REPORT: Meaning of Tattoo Will Certainly Convince Parents to Like It

Your parents hate tattoos, but maybe this time things will be different for no discernible reason at all.

News

Woman Spends Day Mostly Just Combining Uppers and Downers

Georgia’s heart rate is sitting at a very concerning 90 beats per minute.

News

Woman Taking Steps to Curb Negative Self-Talk or Some Stupid Shit Like That

“At least that’s my latest stupid fucking idea.”

News

Woman Uncertain Which Personality to Use With New Acquaintances

“Shy? Loud? Mean? Nice? Rude? Not rude?”

News

TV Being So Good Directly Correlated to Everything Else Being So Bad

“We’ve suspected this correlation ever since Mad Men reached its artistic height during the 2008 recession.”

Love and Sex

QUIZ: Is He a Thoughtful, Considerate Person in Touch With His Feminine Side or Is He Just Crossing His Legs?

He’s letting those lanky little legs do the talking.

Living

4 Grounding Techniques That Are Not as Effective as Throwing Your Computer Out of an Open Window

That felt good, huh?

Living

Red Flag? This Man Has a Dry Erase Board in His Bedroom but No Ideas

You were able to make out the phrases “toaster for pizza” and “pilot?”

News

Woman Only Able to Enjoy Movie If She Talking During It

“What’s the point if you can’t whisper-yell a stream-of-consciousness style play-by-play of each scene?”

News

Man Only Ever Makes Plans for Next 48 Hours

“As long as I’m always planning for tomorrow, I always have plans!”

News

Democrats Blocked From Entering Capitol Building Due to ‘Push’ Door Labeled ‘Pull’

“We kept pulling and pulling but it didn’t do any good.”

News

Trump Not So Against Gender-Affirming Care When It’s His Own Hair Transplant

“It’s strange that he’s decided to ban gender-affirming care for trans people considering he’s such a fan of the stuff himself.”