While some people have the self-awareness to know when a breakup is really affecting them, 26-year-old Sarah-Jo Miller honestly believes that she is handling her breakup well.
“This has been a really rough breakup, but I’m handling it pretty well,” said Miller, finishing her fifth cry of the day. “Everything happens for a reason.”
Sarah-Jo, who actually believes she’s managing the end of her year-long relationship in a tactful way, has only double-checked that he isn’t following any new women on social media five times since her last cry.
“I just want to make sure he’s moving on as quickly as I am,” Miller said.
After emphasizing many times that she is “totally over” her recent ex, Sarah-Jo seriously thinks she is ready to get back into the dating pool as well.
“It’s been two weeks since Jerome and I split up, and I’ve already been on 14 Tinder dates,” explained Miller. “Would someone who is handling a breakup poorly be doing that? I don’t think so.”
Miller’s friends seem to disagree.
“She’s been listening to Rilo Kiley and eating mozzarella sticks non-stop, like that’s all she’s been doing,” said Brittany Ladlow, Sarah-Jo’s longtime friend. “She’s really starting to self-destruct.”
“I’m really starting to worry about her,” added Sarah-Jo’s co-worker Emma Small. “She’s absolutely not taking this breakup well.”
Sarah-Jo, for some reason, appears to believe she is dealing with her split in a healthy manner, going as far as alerting all of her Facebook friends as to exactly how well she’s dealing with it.
“I’m just posting a lot of inspirational memes and quotes I found on Pinterest,” Miller remarked. “I think that makes it clear that I’m really staying positive about the whole thing.”
“Now my friends know I’m totally mellow about this whole thing and not bitter at all,” she added.
When asked what advice she would give to other women going through difficult breakups, Sarah-Jo said: “Just let go of the negative feelings, even if your ex is a total piece of shit. In no time, you’ll be on your way to dealing with your breakup super, super well – just like me!”