Tampax 6 Plus Touts Biggest Tampon Yet

After much anticipation, Tampax publicly released plans on Thursday for the Tampax 6 Plus, the biggest tampon feminine care has seen to date.

 

According to sources, the Tampax 6 Plus will remain consistent in functionality, but will be big enough to accommodate large vaginas everywhere.

 

“It’s one thing to allow for bigger absorbency, bigger comfort, or a bigger support,” said Proctor and Gamble President Robert McDonald. “But it’s another thing to simply make it bigger. And that’s all we did here.”

 

McDonald added developing a larger tampon meant pushing the edge for menstrual design.

 

“We’re looking to largely enhance your menstrual experience,” McDonald said, pointing out the size pun he just made while neglecting to answer questions about how this will fit into the pockets, purses, or vaginas of local women anywhere. “They also come in pink.”

 

 

“We’re anticipating long lines of menstruating females anxiously awaiting the release of the 6 Plus,” McDonald said. “We’ll be handing out extra chocolate to accommodate the long lines and inevitable fighting outside.”

 

Sources confirmed that the “new and improved” model will also cost nearly three times that of the regular Tampax brands, but “will be well worth the improved menstrual experience.”

 

Tampax plans to release a slightly smaller Tampax 6 in assorted, sparkling colors as well, which will still be larger than the current super-plus model.

 

“I have no idea how this will help me,” says 14-year-old Mindy Samson. “But it’s bigger and it costs more so it’s probably going to be cool.”

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