As your mother, I just want to tell you to be careful on your upcoming trip to Dallas. In case you didn’t see it on the news, Dallas is the place where that guy died of Ebola, so don’t go to the Texas Health Presbyterian Hospital while you’re there if you can at all help it. Actually they don’t take Ebola patients anymore, so that’s something to be aware of if you think you have contracted Ebola while you’re down there. I guess if you get Ebola in Dallas, you’ll have to ask someone where to go. But just be careful. Ebola isn’t over, you know.
Also, try not to drink too much while you’re there, because then you lose judgment and could end up in jail for drunk and disorderly conduct, or worse, having someone slip Ebola into your drink. Better not to drink at all while you’re there.
Say you did get in a fight or someone tried to start something with you and they cut or scratched you. The lacerations in your skin would provide a perfect entry point for Ebola to get in, and once it’s in, you only have a 50/50 chance of making it home in time for the family Memorial Day barbeque, which you said you would be able to make so I hope you put it in your calendar.
Did you know Ebola has killed thousands of people?
If, for any reason you start to feel ill with Ebola (because people think Ebola is over now but it’s not. We’ve just let our guard down, which is exactly when Ebola comes thundering back), the symptoms of Ebola start with a fever, headache, muscle aches, chills and weakness, so if you start to have any of those symptoms, that’s when you’ll know that you have Ebola.
You should call home right away if you DO get Ebola, because I’ll put together a care package and I’ll have to start looking at flights to see if Kayak or Orbitz has anything reasonable to come out there. Also back to the symptoms – you might start projecting every kind of fluid out of every hole in your body, including your eye holes, and yes, your eyes are holes. Anyways, if you do make it through your Ebola deal, you will have probably lost a lot of weight, too, so maybe now is a good time to come up with a maintenance plan, just in case. It would be a pity to backslide on your weight loss after going through such an ordeal like Ebola, which is still very much a thing.
Anyway have a great time in Dallas despite all the life-endangering risks you take by just stepping off the plane. If you do get Ebola, try not to beat yourself up too much about it. Life happens, and there are more important things to worry about, like the family Memorial Day barbeque. I’ll get out the Jarts and can make veggie burgers if you’re still into that, so you are coming right? And would you like to bring a date? You’re more than welcome to. I just hope he isn’t one of those Dallas guys who has Ebola or God-knows-what.