Most women get their period, but that doesn’t mean you want to flaunt it! You’ll need to cover up the fact that you’re loudly opening a tampon in the bathroom. Here are four phrases to yell over the sound of that scummy wrapper!
“I know, Mom, okay?”
Redeem your behavior by shouting something totally relatable! This phrase lets everyone within earshot know that you’re on the phone with your Mom, who is likely giving you valuable advice that you don’t want to accept right away. This’ll throw off those eavesdroppers so you can dispose of your used super tampon and open up a fresh one without disrupting those around you! Disrupting them with your dumb PERIOD!!!
“Oh boy, Chipotle has done me dirty!”
Sure, talking about poop isn’t ladylike, but wet and wild diarrhea is much better than the embarrassment of letting your bathroom-mates know that it’s your “time of the month.” By using this key phrase, you’ll undeniably distract from your menstruation.
“D-D-D-D-D D.J. KHALED!”
That’s right, hollering record producer, radio personality and record label executive, DJ Khaled’s name will throw people off your trail and make them think you’re simply an insane person celebrating one of the hottest new tracks of the year in the bathroom. Anything to keep them from knowing you’re opening up a plug of soft material to catch all of your gash blood!
“I’m so sorry Toby, the vet said the medicine would work!”
If all else fails and you’re in danger of another adult human finding out that you are opening a tampon, this phrase is for you! Few things are sadder than losing a pet, especially an old, sick one that you tried to save, but failed to. By yelling “I’m so sorry Toby, the vet said the medicine would work!” you’ll bring up some deeply buried emotions in those around you, giving you time to plug up your blood hole in peace!
Being a woman isn’t easy, but these phrases will buy you some time and give you the opportunity to whip open your tampon whilst stifling the loud-ass crinkle of its inexplicably crunchy wrapper!