I’ve worked at my company for 15 years, and when I found out they were reshuffling upper management, I thought I had a chance at my dream job of being appointed CEO. When I didn’t get the job because I was “indispensable to my current department,” I started poking around until I finally found the truth: The board thought I was “too pretty” to represent the company in that way. Well, that hurt to hear, but I dusted myself off and did what any self-respecting woman would do: I decided right then and there to become a show pony.
That’s when I waltzed out of that high-rise building leaving my corporate dreams behind me.
Now that I’m a show pony in Maryland, it’s a different lifestyle for sure. When I was a higher up at a law firm, I was responsible for forming functional committees and overseeing their abilities to fulfill their functions. I managed the resources of the firm to maintain a competitive advantage. I spoke on behalf of my company to the media and the community. But now, I eat grass and am so pretty. Why? Because I am a show pony!
As a show pony, I often wear a number so the judges can see me and – you guessed it – judge me! That doesn’t feel too different from corporate life, though. I guess the main difference is that before I ate kale to stay thin because there’s such a stigma around plus-size women in corporate America. But now I eat grass because I’m a small beautiful horse.
At my old job, men at the executive level wouldn’t bother to learn my name. They’d call me “pencil skirt,” “pretty girl’” or “Hey, you with the good face!” I guess those hard times did prepare me for my new life on the show pony circuit as a very pretty show pony because I’m getting the same lines over and over again. I guess in that way the corporate world has prepared me well for life as an award-winning filly.
To be a good show pony, you have to have a quality head, long limbs and a good neck. And I have that! My neck is so good! I’ve never seen a CEO with a good neck, but I’ve seen thousands of show ponies with good necks. Maybe I was never meant to be a CEO after all? Sometimes fate finds you in funny ways.
Now that I’m a show pony, I’m still getting used to being ridden by a person. But I guess I’ve been taking on the workload of dozens of men since I started at the firm, so maybe carrying extra weight is not all that new? What am I talking about! I am so pretty I can’t even understand myself! Neiiiigh! See? Nonsense!!
Sometimes I think about the guy they made CEO instead of me. I sometimes have nightmares and wake up all sweaty in my barn. Then I remember, I’m in my barn! I’m not in New York! I’m a show pony! I’ll never be a CEO and that is the choice that I made all by myself that was also made for me by all the men! Also, just to be clear, I am very, very pretty.