5 Instagram Accounts to Browse While Pretending He’s Not in There Going Number-Two

You and your guy have only been dating a few weeks, so it’s totally normal to still pretend that if he’s taking a while in the bathroom it’s definitely not because of poop. Take your mind off of what this disgusting intimacy-milestone might mean for your relationship by checking out these great Instagram accounts.


1. Tuna Melts My Heart

The adorably and funny photos of this chihuahua-dachshund mix will have you giggling so much, you’ll totally lose track of the amount of time Greg has been in your bathroom “freshening up”. Follow this doggy on his adventures so that you don’t have to wonder if you’re ready to be at the openly-shitting stage of your relationship—not that you’re there or anything. He’ll be out in a minute! He’s just, y’know, freshening!



2. Mae Woven

Check out the seriously fab homemade goods from Mae Woven, who makes everything from wall hangings to pillow cases and who will inspire you to think of re-doing your entryway…and not at all about what’s taking your man so long in the bathroom. But don’t freak out because maybe he’s like, cleaning it for you as a surprise or something!


3. MaskCara Cosmetics

Nothing steals your attention away from how long ago Greg said he’d “be right back” than some amazing before and after makeover shots. Get totally lost in MaskCara’s awesome products and demos so you don’t have to convince yourself that he’s taking a weirdly quiet shower. But, seriously, he probably is!


4. Kylie Jenner

Yes, girlfriend, it’s come to this. Kylie’s Instagram may feel a little gratuitous, but it’s a great time suck so you’re not just sitting around thinking of all of the times you specifically left Greg’s house to go poop at your own place like a civilized human being. Yay, you!



5. Kookie And Kipper

These mini pigs are so insanely cute, you won’t be able to dwell on the fact that you’ve run out of ideas on what Greg could be doing in there even though you both had tacos an hour ago. As you watch videos of these mini pigs trotting around the house, you’ll be lulled into forgetting that he definitely also took his phone in the bathroom with him. Actually, he’s prob just taking selfies because the lighting’s so bomb in there.


Even if none of these excuses are able to convince you he’s not pooping, look on the bright side: It’s probably a great sign that your dude feels so safe and comfortable with you that he’d do such an unromantic thing like poop while you’re right there in the other room. Not that that’s what he’s doing, because you two are young and in love and neither of you poop and you always shave your legs and none of that will ever change! Just keep a lit candle in there, just in case.