It’s easy to get caught up in life. From work to love to family and everything in-between, it can be hard to find time to really reflect – to take a step back and ask yourself, “Am I truly living for me?” Because you could be living your most authentic life, or you could merely be the female lead of an up-and-coming writer/director’s latest work, only written to affirm his desires and worldview. Take this quiz to find out which one you are!
What’s your relationship with your parents like?
A: We fight from time to time, but ultimately I know they love and support me.
B: Funny, now that you mention it, I don’t think I had a life at all before this guy Jake waltzed into mine. I do have a wind-up music box with a ballerina inside that fills me with nostalgia and serves as an all-encompassing metaphor for my entire interior life though.
What kind of music do you listen to?
A: A little bit of everything!
B: Mostly the Smiths, the Cure, Talking Heads – you know, stuff that reminds young men of their adolescence. Most people think I’m really weird for loving Morrissey, but what can I say? That’s why I was always kind of a loner growing up, just like Jake. I just get him.
Are you much of a shopper?
A: I wouldn’t say I’m a fashionista, but I’ll splurge on nice outfits from time to time.
B: I’m an artist, so I don’t spend a lot of money on clothes. I mostly shop at thrift stores. That said, I manage to find adorable, quirky outfits that push the boundaries of everyday fashion and make heads turn. My eye for style, paired with my all-natural je ne sais quoi, makes me utterly undeniable to Jake, the only guy who sees me.
How are you health/fitness wise?
A: I do my best to eat salads and work out a few times a week.
B: I eat nothing but Pop-Tarts and Nerds Rope (I know, such a weird character trait!) but somehow maintain an impossibly nice body. It doesn’t make sense, but who cares! Jake loves Nerds Rope too.
Do you have long-term career goals?
A: Yes. Having a rich and fulfilling career is important to me.
B: Do I? I honestly can’t remember. Whenever Jake isn’t with me, I just sit in a dark room and wait for him to call me. One time I told Jake I wanted to run away to Morocco to start anew and just be, but I wouldn’t actually do that without him. Jake is the only one who could ever really “awaken” me.
Congratulations, you’re a real person! You do your best to be your truest self throughout the trials and tribulations of life. Way to live authentically!
We hate to be the bearers of bad news, but unfortunately, you don’t actually exist. A faux-philosophical guy named Jake wrote you into his script in order to allow the plot’s hero (a thinly-veiled version of Jake himself) to grow. Without Jake, you do not exist. Sorry!