Move over Frankenstein, there’s a new hot monstrosity in town! In a scientifically significant yet extremely concerning story out of Grand Rapids, MI, 26-year-old Raina Kimbell combined so many skincare products in her nightly routine that she accidentally created a synthetic life form that appears to have sentience.
Sources report the development occurred when Raina mixed her facewash with a layer of oil, salicylic acid 2% anhydrous solution, a second layer of oil, a carbon-based hyaluronic acid from “The Ordinary,” and a bit of mayonnaise for “shine.”
When asked how she felt about creating the first skincare-based life form, Raina expressed joy.
“Oh, this is sick,” Raina said. “Cerevella—that’s what I’m calling her—is more than just a combination of salicylic acid 2% anhydrous solution and calcium permanganate that has gained sentience; she’s a friend.”
The scientific community is baffled.
“We’ve been trying to create life synthetically for years,” says one researcher. “But we didn’t think to explore this obscene combination of skin cleansers.”
Scientists came close to mimicking Raina’s creation but were disappointed to find they just created a 3-in-1 shampoo.
This isn’t the first time Raina has accidentally created life.
“Last month, I couldn’t be bothered to remove my makeup,” she said. “Eventually, the layers of mascara came to life, too. What a crazy coincidence!”
Gross! But sure, whatever it takes!
“She’s our generation’s Marie Curie,” said one fan, who gave a presentation on the events to her third-grade class. “Because of Raina, I’m going to become a scientist! Or at least have amazing skin.”
As for Cerevella, she intends to write a book: “All anyone wants to know is how I was created, not how I feel about how I was created…and I feel pretty bad. My mom sucks.”
When asked if she would repeat her skincare routine again at risk of creating more life, Raina was reserved: “Maybe this time I’ll go easy on the mayo.”
